Making a list...

I am a little nervous about this school year, and it's kinda silly to me because when people complain about their kids going of to school I am always like, Huh?!?!? But this year, these kids, THIS is different. And I am totally exaggerating, I'm sure, but hey-- I tend toward the dramatic.

On top of both my girls being in a new class and having things be very different, I just found out my unemployment is OVER, and so I figure I have 1/2-1 year left before I have to really truly be doing something productive. Ugh. But I had so many plans of things to have done before Francie started kindergarten! I was going to apply to grad school, figure out a system for keeping up with the laundry, write a book, start a career, cure cancer.... okay, I know I can't do that last one, at least not on my own. But you get my drift.

That's the thing, though. That list is RIDICULOUS. Laundry?!?!? Fo' real? I'm a mom. I'm a procrastinator. I'm a daydreamer and above all that, I am LAAAZZZZZY. I don't ever get anything done.

Recently a friend told me that one week, the theme of the sermon at her church was, "What is your anchor?" So I pontificated on that for weeks. We were talking about a house that's for sale in the neighborhood and I asked why she didn't move there, and so we got on the subject of why they had to move out of their old, too-small house. She said having 4 children in a house that they couldn't have their space was their problem. But it's funny to me hearing this because she is the most with-it, calm and unstressed momma I know. I have never seen anything phase her. I, on the other hand, am stressed and nervous and grumpy. I have mulled several things over and tossed them, but they weren't anchors. I just feel like I need something that makes me feel productive and not merely a mom. Not quite a Supermom, because I'm not that together.

So I'm wondering what my anchor is, and I feel like maybe is that could possibly perhaps be that I need an outlet besides mommy-ness. I do volunteer work, and that helps, but honestly, sometimes I think I need a real live job. I just feel un-grown-up, a financial drain, overly dependent. I need to do some soul-searching, and then take some action.