Making a list...

I am a little nervous about this school year, and it's kinda silly to me because when people complain about their kids going of to school I am always like, Huh?!?!? But this year, these kids, THIS is different. And I am totally exaggerating, I'm sure, but hey-- I tend toward the dramatic.

On top of both my girls being in a new class and having things be very different, I just found out my unemployment is OVER, and so I figure I have 1/2-1 year left before I have to really truly be doing something productive. Ugh. But I had so many plans of things to have done before Francie started kindergarten! I was going to apply to grad school, figure out a system for keeping up with the laundry, write a book, start a career, cure cancer.... okay, I know I can't do that last one, at least not on my own. But you get my drift.

That's the thing, though. That list is RIDICULOUS. Laundry?!?!? Fo' real? I'm a mom. I'm a procrastinator. I'm a daydreamer and above all that, I am LAAAZZZZZY. I don't ever get anything done.

Recently a friend told me that one week, the theme of the sermon at her church was, "What is your anchor?" So I pontificated on that for weeks. We were talking about a house that's for sale in the neighborhood and I asked why she didn't move there, and so we got on the subject of why they had to move out of their old, too-small house. She said having 4 children in a house that they couldn't have their space was their problem. But it's funny to me hearing this because she is the most with-it, calm and unstressed momma I know. I have never seen anything phase her. I, on the other hand, am stressed and nervous and grumpy. I have mulled several things over and tossed them, but they weren't anchors. I just feel like I need something that makes me feel productive and not merely a mom. Not quite a Supermom, because I'm not that together.

So I'm wondering what my anchor is, and I feel like maybe is that could possibly perhaps be that I need an outlet besides mommy-ness. I do volunteer work, and that helps, but honestly, sometimes I think I need a real live job. I just feel un-grown-up, a financial drain, overly dependent. I need to do some soul-searching, and then take some action.

Hey Tut, you can't take it with you

Okay, so I was doing the dishes, and I was thinking about how lucky I am that I have people that help so much with my kids, and so that has made it feasible that I wouldn't drown our family by staying home instead of working this past year,

But tonight I was talking with Duke about an article I'm currently reading in National Geographic about King Tut and his mummy relatives, and some of them thought they were real live Gods, and so they built these giant pyramids and filled them with riches and dead bodies and internal organs in embalming jars or whatever, and they had SO much and all they did with it was rich folk stuff. Okay, I don't think everyone should give their wealth to charity, but there are people out there who are really, truly embracing the philosophy of you can't take it with you. They are helping look for cures for malaria and AIDS and cancer, and if everyone who had wealth, all the way back to King Tut, felt a personal obligation to their fellow man... what would things be like today? I am the queen of saying I don't have enough, and I know things have been pretty tight considering I haven't worked in a while, but I had my unemployment for a while and I have family that, not only makes sure the girls are living comfortably, they have bent over backwards to show generosity to my kids, and they have encouraged the girls to have an open, caring, charitable attitude towards the world. The girls took Watotoo boxes to my in-laws church last Christmas, and they had a ball picking out toys to give to children in Africa, which they bought with the money from their piggy-banks. We're running out of room in the piggy banks again and I was trying to help Francie decide who to give to besides the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. And she was so excited about the ideas I threw out, just off the top of my head. She loves giving things!

So I'm just feeling really grateful for the ways I have been blessed, with family, children, a not-perfect-but still- functioning planet to hand over to the next generation, and so I always feel like I should be giving more to the world. But I guess, as long they learn these morals, I am giving what I can.