My bad mom moment

I was walking from my massive pile of laundry (yeah, this is gonna be an exciting post) and I told the girls (toddlers, so I was thinking as I said it I knew it was an unreasonable expectation), that they should pick up their room and take off her pull-up because naptime was over... and then this terrible thought popped into my head.

At what point do give up and become bad parents? I feel like with all the chores getting behind, yelling, rushing my kids when my inability to get anywhere on time effects them, expecting too much and helping too little... my lack of coddling, oooooing and self-esteem building--- am I doing enough to be a good mom, or do I really suck? Some much of the time I feel overwhelmed and like I don't have enough me time or me and hubby time. I love spending time with them, but sometimes.... I just don't want to be talked to or touched. Seriously, that is not what *I'm* like at all, so it's kind of weird to say that. But then the other side of that is being distracted by cell phones, chores and computers while I am trying to create two thoughtful, kind, and responsible adults and sometimes I feel like I am letting them just raise themselves and I follow their lead... so at what point does this create a person who is really really anti-social in one way or another?

I have been reading the book Parenting with Love and Logic and in some ways I totally see having a hands off YOUR child's responsibilities. Sometimes it's hard to say, "Hey, are you sure you want to close your sister's hand in the car door??" when you feel like saying, "Oh my God, you are about to close her HAND in that DOOR!!!" And so I think I usually go with the second. They are currently mixing together one anothers' shepherd's pie and salad, and all I said was, "No, I am not going to look at that. I don't WANT to look at the food you mix up." And so they ruined their dinner and I continued typing. (Duke is at work tonight so I broke the computer at the dinner table for just one night so I could finish typing and then clean rooms.) But to myself I knew I was just ignoring it because I was doing something I wanted to do, not because I was trying not to micromanage their dinner. But I noticed I am spending a lot of time these days sitting back and watching them instead of having an active role in everything they are doing. Are they being independent or just tired of asking for attention and I am not paying any...? How do I tell?

I just feel like a bad mom these days. I feel like I am slipping into a lackadaisical parenting style, and that is walking a fine line towards not raising my kids AT ALL. A lot of it is I am spending so little of my afternoon hours at home that I am not getting any of my house-wife work done, and so I kinda feel like I haven't really been doing a great job here so why do I ask for all this freaking help all the time? I'm not super busy. I just feel like I need to slow down a little and try to keep myself less stressed if I want to really focus on being a better mom, not yelling all the time, and doing all the stuff that makes me like this "job." Maybe I just need to suck it up, understand I am going to be stressed until these girls leave the house and I have to find another way to cope with it all.

On the other hand, My four-year-old has gotten the three-year-old ready for bed (but not herself) while I finish this, so that we can read bedtime stories in three minutes. So can I really complain? Even if they are raising themselves, Jesus, they ARE getting raised.